The town’s Fountain Park is a wonderful place for a walk any time of day. As usual, it’s kept beautifully. The views are nice and one meets residents and visitors alike in pleasant exchanges during the walk.

There is a slight hazard, however, of a seasonal nature. It involves all the beautiful waterfowl which enjoy being snowbirds as much as so many of the people. Their daily migrations from pond to lawn for feeding results in an abundance of their droppings on the walkway, such that one must tippy-toe around at various locations to prevent a possible slip-induced fall.

To assist with an abatement of this hazard, the Town should form a Duck Diaper Squad. This would be an excellent use for a surplus of masks. The squad would simply affix the mask over the derriere of the duck, containing the droppings. An added benefit of the mask thus affixed would be that as the duck comes in for a landing, the elastic harness would deploy the mask mildly behind the flier, acting as an air-brake and slowing the bird for a safer, more decorous landing.

Silicone spray could be used to waterproof the diapers, which could also be color-matched to the various birds: black for the coots and cormorants, green themes for the Widgeons and mallard drakes and an array of gay colors for the ladies of the flocks and other less populous itinerant breeds.

This would benefit the town as it would obviate the need for crampons as one walks the park, saving the concrete walkways from resulting damage. Because most wouldn’t go for the crampons, the risk of falls is a risk to the Town for lawsuits and other unpleasantness. The Duck Diaper Squad would thus be a boon to both Town and resident walkers.