Two friends talking on cell phones (authenticated)

Have you been watching the news?

No, I just got up, what’s going on?

Obama was giving an important speech at the United Nations when he suddenly, and totally unexpectedly, sneezed. Turn on your TV.

(Pause)

I’ve got it on. They’re showing a replay and by God you’re right. And look at that phony spontaneity.

Hold on, I’m getting a tweet (pause). It says the sneeze was a cover-up so no one would notice the guy who handed him a handkerchief. They say he looks like a Muslim because he has a beard. We’re asked to pay close attention as Obama unfolds the handkerchief, looks down, then brings it up and blows his nose. Some kind of secret message was passed.

Say, I think I read someplace that Clinton sneezed just before Benghazi. And that phony story that Biden has allergies. Who’s kidding who?

Boy, are you on to something. It all ties together.

Who’s that military guy everyone’s talking about?

Bergdahl?

Yeah, that’s the guy. If he’s shown talking to a White House staffer and that person sneezes and Bergdahl hands him a handkerchief, I just know he’ll be passing something on from the Taliban.

Hold on. I’m getting another tweet (pause). Great! Congress is going to hold hearings. Another scandal to lay at Obama’s feet. And they have the handkerchief with Obama’s DNA to prove it. It’s the smoking gun!

They’ll get him, just you watch. I bet they find out that Muslim is from Kenya.

Gotta run!

Me, too. Keep watching Fox News. It’s the only channel that really investigates these conspiracies. I’ll call you later.

(Click)