Talking to your kids about important issues can be tricky. ‘Parents and Teens’ is an ongoing series exploring topics that impact the lives of modern adolescents, including everything from stress and bullying to depression and substance abuse. This week’s focus is stress, how it impacts teens and what can be done to combat it.

“You’re a kid, what do you have to be stressed about?”

That’s a sentiment many adults have either said, or at least thought, in regards to a youngster who keeps pacing the floor because of an upcoming test, a disagreement with friends or something that was said on social media.

It’s easy to forget that, for a teen, those things have the same emotional, mental and physical impact as an adult trying to pay the bills on a tight budget. The teen’s issues may seem small by comparison but, in their world, they are of the utmost importance.

Cassandra Rogers and Kristine Hileman are social workers/counselors working at Fountain Hills Middle School. They work with youngsters all day, know what’s important to them and understand that the life of a teen today is vastly different from the life of a teen 30 years ago. Educational standards have changed, social norms have shifted, information is available in excess and advancements in technology mean it’s practically impossible to unplug and escape all of the noise.

Today’s teens deal with everything from cyberbullying to active shooter drills, and both Rogers and Hileman agree that means stress is a more serious situation than ever before. And since stress is frequently a major contributing factor to negative behaviors, it’s important to know how to identify it, how to talk to your kids about it and how to seek help when necessary.

Big difference

According to Rogers, there’s a big difference between being a modern teen and the experiences their parents went through.

“What we talk about a lot at this school is the impact of social media,” Rogers said. “It used to be that, when something went on at school, you could go home and that was it. You might see everyone the next day, but you could escape it for a while. Now, with social media, it’s just constant.”

“Everything you do is posted,” Hileman added. “Instead of just a small group knowing about something, now everyone knows.”

Rogers noted that, for some adults, it’s hard to even fathom that a teen can be stressed.

“Parents feel so much of their own stress, so I think they can minimize what their kids are going through,” she said. “There’s so much they have to handle in academics and in their social lives. Parents just seem to forget that kids can be stressed, too.”

Hileman agreed.

“Or even if they know their kid is stressed, they don’t think it’s a big deal; they don’t realize how it’s impacting them and every aspect of their lives.”

Warning signs

One of the trickiest parts about stress is that its symptoms are what many might use to describe “an average, moody teen.”

Rogers and Hileman agreed that withdrawing is a major sign, whether it be giving up on homework, quitting sports or no longer attending other extracurricular activities.

“That withdrawal can be social, too,” Hileman added. “Maybe they’re not as engaged with peer groups and friends. Those are some of the things you should keep an eye on.”

The duo noted that it’s typically a combination of several things that will point to stress being a legitimate concern. If a kid quits a sport, maybe it just wasn’t for them. But if they quit a sport, stop hanging out with their friends and their grades are dropping, then there’s cause for concern.

Hileman said that stress can manifest in a lot of ways.

“It can be physical,” she said. “If a kid is stressed, they might be more prone to getting sick. I know some [students] with anxiety who have to go to the nurses office every day because their stomach physically hurts.”

And then, Hileman said, there are the mental and emotional ramifications.

“It can go from eating issues to any unhealthy behavior,” she said. “You don’t want a child of any age to turn to something unhealthy – be it drugs or alcohol, destructive behavior or bullying – because they are stressed and that’s what they think they need to do to cope with it.”

Coping

The biggest asset when it comes to dealing with stress in teens is communication. If your kid stops hanging out with some of their friends, ask them about it. If they’re thinking of dropping out of band, have a chat. Rogers and Hileman said that communication is key and the best way to know if your kid is simply figuring themselves out or dealing with too much pressure from too many directions.

“Be involved,” Hileman said. “Engage with your children every single day.”

Hileman said even when you get a response of “I don’t know” or “why are you asking,” a parent should be persistent and pay attention to the life of their child.

“It’s also a good idea to help them find healthy coping mechanisms for when they find themselves dealing with too much stress,” Rogers added. “Take a deep breath. Go sit somewhere and draw a picture. There are a lot of ways to step away from the stress, even for a few minutes.”

Hileman suggested practicing time management (even going so far as to get your teen planner) as a way to avoid stress before it has an opportunity to settle in.

The duo agreed that prevention is usually the best measure, so parents should talk to their teens about stress as soon as they feel there may be an issue.

“I find asking open-ended questions is a good tool to get them to open up more, expand on things and not just give a yes or no answer,” Rogers said. “And the more consistent you are, the more likely they are to start opening up.”

“And don’t be afraid to share your own experiences,” Hileman added. “Tell them about your own failures and successes. Tell them what worked for you as a kid and what didn’t. For a kid to hear that, that there’s growth and you can get better, sometimes helps.”

While there’s no universal solution to stress, Rogers and Hileman said it’s important for parents to keep trying things out with their kids in the hopes of finding their own resolution.

“If that still doesn’t work, I think reaching out to the school – teachers and counselors – is the next step,” Rogers said.

“And coaches,” Hileman added. “If you’re involved with a church, then your church leader. Any connections they have with someone who is really involved with their life can be a good asset.

“You’re not alone in the success of your children. There are other people who care and want to see your children succeed. If you don’t know or you’re having trouble, don’t be afraid to reach out.”

Next week: Navigating the complex issue of bullying.