Talking to your kids about important issues can be tricky. ‘Parents and Teens’ is an ongoing series exploring topics that impact the lives of modern adolescents, including everything from stress and bullying to depression and substance abuse. This week’s entry sets the groundwork for addressing these issues, covering the significance of open communication.

There are a lot of philosophies out there concerning the dynamics between parents and their kids. The one thing most of them have in common, though, is an emphasis on the importance of communication.

Still, talking to your kids isn’t always as easy as “how was your day?” Sometimes you need to dig deeper and have a more serious heart-to-heart. According to Brad Snyder, that process is not as complex as some folks make it out to be.

Snyder, author and president of New Amsterdam Consulting, Inc. began his career in direct service running out-of-school programs for youth. Snyder has spent the past two decades studying youngsters in research projects for clients ranging from Marvel to Cartoon Network, as well as the U.S. Justice Department and the State of Arizona. He said his most notable written work is his novel, “The 5 Simple Truths of Raising Kids: How to Deal with Modern Problems Facing Your Tweens and Teens.”

First things first, Snyder said a conversation with your kid should not be an event.

“Any interaction that begins with ‘we need to talk’ can put your child on the defensive,” Snyder said. “Before talking to your child about a serious social or health issue, make sure you are regularly talking to them about other things.”

In other words, more “serious” discussions with a child come more naturally when conversation is already a regular occurrence. Snyder said these chats can range from how they spent their day to what happened at school or asking about the new season in “Fortnite.”

If you’re actively engaging in conversation with your kids, Snyder suggests you will be able to recognize when they are relaxed and open to discussing more important issues. He added that this is not typically when they are preparing mentally and physically to enter a potentially stressful environment, such as on the way to school.

When it comes to actually having those serious talks, be it about handling stress, bullying or substance abuse, Snyder said it’s important to be genuine.

“Humans are better at things they practice,” he said. “If there are words or phrases that you are uncomfortable saying out loud to your child, you may want to rehearse. That being said, being anything but natural could be off-putting to your child.

“Humor can be a powerful ally, but only if it comes naturally. The goal is to have regular, ongoing conversations with your child so that breaking the ice is not necessary.”

Perhaps more important than talking, though, is listening.

“In your regular conversations with your child, make sure that she or he feels heard,” Snyder said. “Practice active listening which, at its most basic level, is repeating back to your child what she or he said so that they know you are being attentive. The more attentive you are, the more your child will take it seriously.”

Going hand in hand with listening, Snyder said a solid way to discuss more serious topics is to ask the child what they think about the topic in the first place.

“Follow that by asking them what they think should be done about it,” Snyder continued. “Asking for and honoring your child’s perspective will minimize the potential for a confrontation.”

Snyder said many teens he has worked with are reluctant to bring problems to their parents because they believe their parents are too quick to propose solutions or even insert themselves into the situations.

“Teens call this ‘adding to the drama,’ and they desperately want to avoid this,” Snyder said. “Oftentimes, your child knows what to do, but she or he might need confirmation or moral support to do it. Listening to your child’s solution might be the quickest way to resolve a problem.”

Finally, Snyder suggests that it is important to know the dynamics between parent and child and keep that in mind throughout daily interactions. Without even knowing it, a parent can add to their child’s stress and, by extension, cut off the lines of communication.

“Today’s parents are very open with their children, sharing with them a lot of the adult experiences that previous generations hid from their daughters and sons,” Snyder said. “As a result, the current generation of children is more likely to know and feel their parents’ stress. Their desire to protect their parents from additional stress might prevent them from bringing their problems to their parents.

“Do your best to let your children have a childhood. Your children are not your friends. Your children have and will have many friends. They only have one set of parents.”

Next week: Tips for identifying and managing stress in your kids.